It’s about time I started looking on the bright side!
No worries, I keep a healthy balance between my shadow side and my light side because that seems to be the work before us.
For instance, I have had to take a good hard look at what my default behavior is for safety and security, and then consciously “dismantle the emotional programs for happiness” from my past, as Father Thomas Keating so eloquently describes in the method known as Centering Prayer.
Why do this? Because it ain’t gonna cut it anymore. Dangerous times call for unusual acts of bravery. And a new way of approaching life!
I have a process that I use for this dismantling. It’s called, New Life Scripts. In my list of the 7 essentials, part of my “rule” for living, this falls under the essential of mind/emotions. It is turquois on the chakra spectrum at the throat center.
Through New Life Scripts I use my penchant for theatre, and my desire for wholeness to take a deep dive into my psyche and my past with the hope and desire of bringing to the surface the darkness I wish to transmute. And, the change I wish to implement.
Here’s how it works. When I have that crunchy feeling that is a mixture of fear, guilt, loathing and borderline panic, I stop. Press pause and begin the inquiry. Where from my upbringing, and my cultural programming, is this originating?
In my contemplation of this, I usually can come up with a “scene” from my childhood. I do not pass it by, as if it were nothing. Instead, I plant a flag there and say, “OK, what’s the story here that does not serve me, and what can I change about it to make it empowering?
I will provide an example. First, a qualifier: I have the type of personality that is quite yin/yang. I am an extroverted introvert. I get my safety and security from “fitting in.” But, I’m a rebel! I am really, truly as nice as pie, thus people tend to like me, and I get mad as hell when things are just plain wrong. Then, I usually keep it to myself, because, “they won’t like me!”
In preparation for a trip in 2018 to Ireland where I would present this method, New Life Scripts, to the Prison Society of Dublin, I began to get nervous. Who am I to come up with the idea that acting can be done by anyone and it can help to change your subconscious programming? I’m not a scientist, I’m not a psychologist, I’m not an “expert.” There have not been clinical trials to see if this is safe and effective. (lol)
When these niggling feelings began to intrude into my consciousness, I decided, at the Cork airport to write my new script and turn this around for myself.
The story I wrote while waiting for my ride to Kinsale, was about the time I went to church camp for the first time. Venturing from my small town was a true adventure (like this solo trip to Ireland!)
I had planned for a sense of security and safety through solidarity with my friends, but then, it all fell apart, which is often the case. Here’s an excerpt from my “script:”
(written in the present tense)
I am nine years old. Finally old enough to go to summer church camp! With, my 2 best friends, Barbara, and Barbara! And, guess what? We found exactly identical matching outfits! Red gingham shirts and white shorts with a little gingham rooster on the back pocket. Too bad, my name isn’t Barbara! We could really be triplets in every single way!
So, we get to Wesley Forest Camp and head down the woodland path to our tent assignments and...wait a minute what happened? Barbara and Barbara are assigned to the same group--Group 2 and I have been….gasp! Assigned to group 3! Separated!
I walk away from the Barbaras and feel a big lump forming in my throat! My gingham shirt feels sticky all of a sudden. So, I keep walking, all alone to tent area 3. A campfire is burning, and a couple of girls wave me into the circle where they are roasting hot dogs. They ask me my name and I don’t answer right away. I notice something that comes into my head that I never thought before. Here I am, thrown into tent group 3 away from my parents, for the first time in my life, away from my little small town of Curwensville and my Barbaras. And suddenly I feel something new. I feel...free. I don’t have to match. I can just be me. What’s that look like?
What’s your name,? I hear someone ask again. I decide to make up a new identity—“ My name is….Candy! "
Haha! True story, and every year that I went to church camp I changed my name. The next year I was Skeeter.
So, back to Cork, in a little private corner of the airport. It’s time for me to get this story I wrote “on its feet.” Act two of New Life Scripts is to turn the story into a monologue which you say out loud, preferably for an audience. The reason for this part of the process is to embody the thoughts and emotions that you want to rewire.
I have fun with this step as I enjoy acting, finding ways to use my voice and my body to express the range of emotions of little 9 year old Elle, which include terror, sadness, confusion, and finally hope and delight. So, here’s the deal. Does this method work?
I say yes. I spent a good hour on a very interesting project, digging into my past, finding my achilles heel, crafting a little story, using my imagination, finding the kernel of truth then acting it out, and Wa la! Now I feel ready, free, and open to my experience of sharing New Life Scripts with an international audience!
Fast forward, as they say, to today, March 2023. My default behavior for safety and security stubbonly remains “fitting in” and “being liked.”
The stakes seem higher now. What happens when the rather new University president reads my complaint (which was solicited) that says Penn State does not conduct business according to the Values they espouse?
I don’t think she’s going to like me.
Specifically, the value of DISCOVERY. In my letter, I explain that there seems to be no interest in doing any research, nor to listen to a countervailing point of view in regards to COVID, and particularly the injuries from the shot.
And the value of RESPONSIBILITY. I see no action taken to protect our elite Penn State athletes from possible injury due to shots which were mandated for students up until last year. And remain in place for employees (except non-technical).
The value of COMMUNITY. I see a pro liberal, leftist agenda constantly promoted and defended through rhetoric and stance, with no opening or welcoming for another point of view, creating a sense of isolation for all those not “included” in this very “inclusive community.”
On March 21, 2023, Alex Berenson of Unrestricted Truths substack has agreed, (can you believe it?) to speak to my World Campus classes on ZOOM! I went after a micro grant from the dept. of education which funds enhancement projects to support a higher degree of critical thinking and analysis in gen. ed. classes. This small $ amount will be Alex’s honorarium. And, he in turn will gift us.
Next week I am going to meet with my dept. head, and various professors who I believe have quite different viewpoints from Alex, and I me, and I’m going to tell them that I would like to invite their students to come to this zoom.
I am scared to do this. I will not be liked or admired by this group and I do not fit in. From where will my safety and security come?
A New Script. Where will I get inspiration?
The woods.
Yesterday I hiked Rothrock State lands and purposely connected to the strength I could feel there in the rocks, and trees. And the communion I often feel with my father, long passed. My Dad who was a self-taught naturalist, once disclosed to me that he felt, “no different than an Oak Tree.”
He fit in!
His favorite book was We Took to the Woods by Louise Dickinson Rich. Here is a quote that speaks to the New Script I am writing: “Our feeling of unity, our sense of belonging are never in danger here. Neither is the contentment that comes through accomplishment.”
It’s a very interesting time we live in, is it not? I don’t fit in at Penn State, but I do fit in with the likes of Alex Berenson, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Tim Whild, and a host of other wonderful souls on substack who have left their former home bases of safety and security to step into a new world where the ground isn’t exactly stable, and the landscape seems a bit dangerous: Katherine Watt, Margaret Anna Alice, Sasha Latypova, Naomi Wolf, Kathleen Devanney, my son Sean Morgan to name a few. This feels like a blessed community.
And I also know this.
Going inward is the safest place. Silence is where God is. And the earth holds us.
Great positivity Elle... Yes you won't be popular! 😂.
I really like how you know how to lead by example. Not spouting advice is a good thing!
This leading from behind makes marching your thralls into the next trap all the easier! 😲 Jokes Joice.